April 18, 2018

Psalm 46:1-5

Hailey Loftis

I started going to church in 4th grade but wasn’t very passionate about it. I went to church every Sunday because my parents did and it was a routine. I would have my highs during mission trips or camp, but after I got home, it was back to regular life. I was at the point where I forgot how to even pray—how sad!

In July of 2017, my life took a very unfortunate turn. I had been having foot pain for a week when I decided I should go to the doctor, where I learned I had a broken foot! To be specific, I broke my sesamoid bone, a pea-sized bone. I was put in a boot and told to stay off my foot for 8 weeks. I had so much confidence I would get the boot off at that next appointment. My heart shattered as the words "See you in 4 weeks!” came out of the doctor’s mouth. I held the tears back until I reached my car, and then it was like a river that wouldn't stop flowing. I started doubting Christ. I was angry with Him and begged for answers. I had to have a CT scan and MRI. When the call came the next day (from the doctor himself) with my MRI results, I knew it was really bad. I had developed avascular necrosis, a rare disease. Avascular necrosis is when you lose blood flow to the bone, and it caused mine to die. The options were pretty limited, but surgery was the only long-term answer.

While all this was going on, I got an awful ear infection. I was put on an antibiotic and contracted C diff. After struggling with C diff for about a month, it cleared up just in time for my first surgery (of three). My second surgery came after being diagnosed with Endometriosis. Endometriosis was an answer to all the pain I had been going through for many, many years. I would’ve never found the source of my pain without contracting C diff because I had always put on a brave face around people.

This was the lowest point in my life. I was crying constantly and sleeping every chance I could because that’s the only time I felt good. I finally opened up and let people see how I was feeling, including my doctors. My final surgery was when I got my sesamoid bone removed. I had been through so much. Right when I was ready to give up on God, He said, “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day” (Psalm 46:5). Although I had to experience all the pain and misery, God took all my broken pieces and put them together to help me find what had been hurting me for all those years, and I have never felt more passionate about God and knowing He is there.